Jurassic Park (1993)

That time I watched Jurassic Park when it aired on TV prior to the record-breaking opening weekend of Jurassic World and spammed my friend’s Messenger app like a super cool party person.

Me: Jurassic Park time!

Me: Hey Steven Spielberg!

Me: He’s fangirling about Michael Crichton.

Me: You’re gonna get a lot of updates because my laptop is being utilized to its full potential (i.e., it’s on my lap).

Me: I’m so happy it’s on TV! I was trying to figure out how I could watch it.

Me: The Jurassic Park employees in their matching jumpsuits and hard hats look like James Bond henchmen.

Me: The technology in this movie is insane.

Me: As is the amount of oversize flannel shirts.

Me: KRIS KRINGLE! Awww. RIP.

Me: Her outfit is 100% back in style. Denim on denim, high waisted jeans.

sattler

Me: NEWMAN!

Me: Jeff Goldblum. You will always be the best character in any scene you’re in.

Me: Do you think Dr. Grant and Dr. Sattler crapped their khakis when they saw the dinosaur?

Me: (Fun fact: “Crapped their khakis” is something Jason Sudeikis says in the movie The Rocker.)

Me: There should be a drinking game for every time there’s a dramatic close-up of Dr. Grant.

Me: It’s Mr. DNA. He’s teaching me science.

mr dna

Me: “Has someone gone through the park and pulled up the dinosaurs skirts?” – Goldblum

Me: “Life, uh, finds a way.”

Me: I want to listen to an audiobook by Jeff Goldblum.

Me: Dr. Grant dramatic close-up.

Me: I would’ve paid more attention to my university textbooks if they were read aloud by Goldblum.

Me: With all those female dinosaurs running about, does that make Jurassic Park a feminist film?

Me: “Hold onto your butts.” Says the man who’s managed to fit himself into nearly every fandom franchise, it seems.

Me: Rule number one, people. Don’t leave the vehicle.

Me: Water ripple.

water ripple

Me: Water ripple.

Me: Water ripple.

Me: Water ripple.

Me: Yup, the childhood fear is coming back. That girl was me. That girl might still be me.

Me: I feel like being eaten by a T-Rex while on the toilet is worse than dying of a heart attack while on the toilet.

Me: Uhh where’s the kid? He was in the truck.

Me: WHERE’S THE KID?

Me: It’s Ross’ dinosaur!

ross

Me: Timmy: “I threw up.”

Me: It’s okay, Timmy. I probably would’ve shit my pants.

Me: The T-Rex in the side mirror. Like Rex in Toy Story.

Me: Which I know is based on this but still.

Friend: Love Rex. So neurotic.

Me: “CAN SOMEONE COVER MY EYES?”

Me: Dr. Grant is speaking dinosaur.

Me: Like Dory speaks whale.

Me: Kris Kringle is upsettingly okay with his grandchildren lost in Jurassic Park.

kris kringle

Friend: Yeah… That part is weird.

Me: He’s just talking about his amusement parks.

Me: Dude. Your grandchildren are fighting for their lives.

Me: “We can discuss sexism in survival situations when I get back.”

Me: It is a race, Dr. Grant! You’re climbing an electric fence that Sattler is about to turn on!

Friend: Eek!

Me: Kris Kringle is a horrible granddad.

Friend: True story.

Me: Also, she’s running from a raptor but if Pratt was there he could calm them with his beautiful eyes.

pratt

Friend: Also a true story.

Me: Jello wiggle.

Friend: Classic.

Me: You know if Kris Kringle was a good grandfather, he’d have known his granddaughter is a hacker genius who could’ve fixed everything Newman broke.

Friend: He’s too one-track minded about his dinos.

Me: He should just have sex with them already.

Me: Like Ross.

Friend: 

dinosaurs

Me: Always funny

Friend: Yup!

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One thought on “Jurassic Park (1993)

  1. Pingback: New commentary! The wonders of Jurassic Park | Just Comma,

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