Don’t know who Mark Strong is? Well you might know him if you saw his face, and if you saw his face, you might remember that he’s a go-to British baddie. (And not just in Jaguar commercials.)
From Septimus in Stardust to Nick in Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day, Lord Blackwood in Sherlock Holmes to Sir John Conroy in The Young Victoria, any time Mark Strong shows up, you know he’s not to be trusted.
So when my friend spotted him in her rewatch of Zero Dark Thirty, we realized this typecasting is a disservice to the great actor. Even Alan Rickman got to be a dashing Austen leading man in Sense and Sensibility.
Enter the conversation that gave rise to our genius movie pitch for Mark Strong to finally be a likable character:
Friend: Mark Strong!
Me: Mark Strong?? Is he British?
Friend: American Mark Strong.
Me: Weird. Is he a baddie?
Friend: He’s a CIA guy. He’s spazzing out at everyone.
Me: Calm down, Marky Mark.
Friend: “Do your fucking jobs. Bring me people to kill.”
Friend: I don’t think he will ever be a nice character.
Me: I want him to. One day. Just to confuse EVERYONE.
Friend: He’ll be like a missionary. Or a kind oncologist that raises guide dogs.
Me: And falls in love with a blind woman. It’ll be the sweetest movie ever made. That’s the tagline: “Love Is Blind: The Sweetest Movie Ever Made”
Friend: We should write the script and pitch it.
Me: Starring Mark Strong and Kate Winslet. She could be a blind cupcake artist. Yes. Cupcake artist.
Friend: She can make their wedding cupcakes at the end. And they’ll feed them to each other and all the dogs.
Me: They’ll make dog cupcakes and she’ll accidentally ice the wrong ones. So all the guests awkwardly eat beef cupcakes.
Friend: Because she’s blind.
Me: Exactly. And then the movie fades out with everyone grossing out and Mark Strong not noticing because he’s so in love with Kate.
Friend: Love IS blind. Boom.
Me: Boom. Blockbustered.
Friend: We are geniuses.
And we are. If this movie ever gets made, we would like compensation for our genius idea, pleaseandthankyouverymuch.