If you’re wondering what the almost-exercise is, you’re probably someone who actually exercises.
And if you’re that person, there will be a severe lack of understanding between the two of us. It’s just the truth. We may as well get that out in the open.
I don’t get a lot of joy from being active. No, that’s unfair. I don’t get any joy from being active. I mean, sure, there are times when I feel pumped up after I do a Jillian Michaels workout DVD and was able to make it through without taking a five-second breather … almost.
This is the thing about almost-exercise, you can’t really break out of the almost stage.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gone to go for a run and I’ve gotten as far as looking at my closet and not being able to decide what to wear before giving up and making a smoothie as a reward for my almost-exercise. I mean, I thought about exercising. That’s gotta count for something, right?
There are some times when I even get as far as putting on my running shoes. My running shoes that I’ve had for nearly two years and show zero signs of wear-and-tear.
And then I walk around my house pumped up because the shoes make me feel bouncy as if I could totally go for a run.
And there are even some times when I put my dog on a leash and make it out the door. My decision to go for a run is immediately thwarted, though, because I feel enough jiggle in my walk, I don’t need to make the situation worse. So I go for a brisk stroll telling myself it’s better on my joints and it’s going to be the most epic walk of all time. And then I meander for a few blocks around my neighbourhood and realize it’s only been ten minutes.
Ten minutes of playing tug-of-war with my dog. Ten minutes of moments like tripping in a sidewalk or sharing awkward hellos with people who are apparently my neighbours. Ten minutes and I’m already sweating.
Time for a smoothie.